


Wake Up

by spookyawards_archivist



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Angst, Vignette, post-episode
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-09-15
Updated: 2003-09-15
Packaged: 2019-04-27 05:37:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14418810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spookyawards_archivist/pseuds/spookyawards_archivist
Summary: "I always just expected you to come home."





	Wake Up

**Author's Note:**

> Note from alice ttlg, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Spooky Awards](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Spooky_Awards), and was moved to the AO3 as part of the Open Doors project in 2018. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are the creator and would like to claim this work, please contact me using the e-mail address on [SpookyAwards' collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/spookyawards/profile).

 

Wake Up

## Wake Up

### by annaK

Title: Wake Up  
Author: annaK  
Rating: PG-13  
Classification: V, A, MSR  
Spoilers: This is set during the days before the opening scene of DeadAlive. Minor spoilers for The Erlenmeyer Flask, The Blessing Way, Redux, Emily, The End, Two Fathers, One Son, En Ami, Requiem and TINH.   
Archive: I'd be honored! Just let me know so I can come visit. Summary: "I always just expected you to come home." 

Many thanks to Foxxy, xdks and Elizabeth. You gals are amazing! 

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Wake Up by annaK 

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When I was six, we were stationed in San Diego. I had a dog, Herman, a sloppy old Labrador. We tried to train him, but he didn't like being in the house. We never knew why, but every time someone opened the door, he'd run out. The base was quite busy, several cars driving by, and he got run over. Not once, but four times. Missy and I would go to school and tell the teacher that our dog was at the vet and she'd be shocked, upset. We didn't care. We loved him, don't get me wrong, but it didn't seem like a big deal. Bad things would happen, but he'd always come back. 

One day, he didn't make it. 

You're a lot like that dog, Mulder. I always just expected you to come home. 

* * *

Did you know that I missed you the first time? Blood on the bridge and a whispered warning. You, cold and lifeless by my side. 

I know you weren't gone long, I know I pretended not to care. We were so new then. You didn't trust me. I don't think I even trusted you. Feels like a lifetime ago, Mulder. Maybe it was. 

I remember when you came back the second time. Everyone thought you were dead. But you spoke to me. Did you do it on purpose? Or was it a dream? 

You gave me faith. 

The third time it was me. I was leaving you. You tried to stop me, tried to fight the demons that were pulling at me, inside and out. You held my hand, cried, prayed. Do you believe in God, Mulder? 

It took years or maybe seconds. Why keep track of time when it's running out? Why look at the calendar, date the paperwork, pay attention to the birthdays passing by when you never send a card, to the Christmas list that won't be acted upon because Christmas is about life, not death? Why care? You cared. I like to think that you cared enough for both of us. 

I think the fourth time was me again. I'm not blameless, far from it. Chubby cheeks, blonde hair and a captivating smile stole my heart. A piece of golden faith and two marble orbs of blue bound me to a child in a way that a womb never had. Did you resent her, Mulder? Did you resent me? 

The fifth time, you left me. Maybe not in body, but definitely in spirit. I felt you drifting, like part of me was breaking free, floating off into oblivion. Like vertigo, your loss of hope tore at my insides, ripping sarcastic comedy and pained glances from my mouth and eyes. "My work here is done." Did you still need me? 

Charcoal earth and blackened words, a life up in smoke. I sometimes wonder if it reminded you of your friend's house. Were you still afraid? Torn pieces of parchment and scattered files. My life too, not just yours. Why wouldn't you let me hold you? I needed you then. You left me. 

The sixth time it happened you did it on purpose. Callous words and a brown haired vixen. Big breasts, long legs and an encyclopaedia of lies. You bought everyone. You trusted her, not me. You walked away, left me standing in the cold and rain, once again with a child that wasn't mine, that could never be mine. I'd never hated you before that moment, Mulder. Did you love her? 

The seventh time; again, my fault. Cigarettes, beautiful stories and a Florence Nightingale complex. I followed where he led, tried to take you with me but you didn't follow. Maybe our 'sixth sense' wasn't as strong as I thought it was. I'd never seen you look at me like you hated me. Did you? 

I remember the last time. Early morning sun, blue smudges under red rimmed eyes and a wash of trickling tears. Whispered "I love yous", bodies moving together, melting into one. If you're under my skin, how can you leave me? 

* * *

"Miss Scully, we really need to close up now. You can come again tomorrow before the funeral if you'd like." 

* * *

There's a child in me, Mulder. We made him. We made a miracle. See, Mulder, you're inside me, you're inside him. If we're alive, how can you not be? 

We go beyond science, beyond reason. You know we do. I believe Mulder, I believe. You said you'd come home, you promised. 

* * *

"I'm so sorry for your loss but you're really going to have to leave." 

* * *

Mulder, please wake up. 

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End

All feedback is lovingly received   
  


#### If you enjoyed this story, please send feedback to annaK


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